This is my son, Elijah. Some of you may know him, some of you may not. He is distant at times and awkward in social situations. He has temper tantrums and loves legos. His rationale is not that of a "normal" 9 year old but loves with all of his heart. We have always known Elijah was a little different. I remember when he was about 18 months old and he threw the biggest fit and it took everything Kallie and I knew to get him calmed down. After about an hour and half of struggle, we got him out of that furious mindset.
A few years ago, Kallie approached me and asked if I thought Elijah functioned like a normal little boy. It took me back as it opened pandora's box of thought and emotion. He wasn't normal. She began to research the word I always dreaded to hear..."Autism". I remember thinking to myself, "I can't have an Autistic little boy." Selfish in so many ways but Kallie always reminded me that God made him exactly the way He wants him. Good news in the midst of a punch to the gut.
Today, after much testing and many meetings and years of pleading with the school district, we received the news that Elijah is on the Autistic spectrum. The call came in today, thankfully to Kallie and not me, that they will diagnose him with an Autistic disorder. Kallie said, for her, it is a weight off of her shoulders. To me, it is almost a weight I cannot bear. In fact, I weep as I type.
I must be honest that I want the best for Elijah. I want him to succeed and want him to lead a normal life. I want him to get married and have kids of his own and to work a job he loves. I want all of this for my beautiful boy.
As you read this you may think of ways to comfort me or think "I know some pretty high functioning autistic people and they are fine." Thank you in advance. It's hard though. I have a son who has a disability. Freeing in some ways to write and overwhelming as well. In a lot of ways I take this as bad news. But, here's the good news...
Elijah walked up to me when he was 5 years old and asked how to be saved. He had just got out of the bath and put his pj's on. I still remember his damp hair cold on my neck as he hugged me and prayed asking God to save him. This, Elijah understands. God loves Elijah and Elijah knows this. He understands the price that was paid at calvary for what he's done to offend God. Elijah understands.
This is good news to me in the midst of a punch to the gut. It may be a long, difficult road with my son ahead of us but one day, well, we know the rest of Elijah's story.
