Running from what I know. (Part 1)

"You realize the more and more you think of this the more of a reality it could become?" Jonah thought as he rubbed his arms and crossed them across his chest to shield himself from the the crisp breeze that seemed to blow in some type of rhythm.  He stared out into the dark campsite that sat silent and contemplated going to bed but he hated the thought of moving from this spot that had given him comfort for the moment.  Not that that this spot was special, because it was just a patch of cold, dry grass that lay on it's side from a long, dry winter, but because it brought some type of solace and when things around you do that, they become part of you, at least for the moment.  "This is all you've ever known.  What else would you do?"  Jonah told himself trying to remind himself of a reality that was waiting for him when he arrived home from this minister retreat he was on but the moment in which he found himself seemed too real and it seemed like someone else was planting these thoughts in his mind and they were taking bloom one after the other.  "I can quit and find another job pretty easily, at least I think I can find another job."  The time Jonah had spent in church ministry had proved fruitful and successful but seemed to be taking it's water from another source.

  He thought of his wife and could see her face as he replayed the last conversation he had with her on his cell phone before he lost reception.  "This will take her by surprise.  I need to talk to her first."  Jonah said out loud.  He could now see his breath as the wind caught his words and lifted them as they danced, taunting him as if they had recorded his voice.  "Get out while you can.  At what cost is all the success worth, Jonah?"  a voice whispered from behind him.  Jonah slowly turned only to see the trees wrestling with the the rhythmic wind.  He slowly lowered his head and said, "Lord?  Is that you?"  He sat still for a few short seconds that seemed like an hour and tried his best to listen for the voice to speak again.  He shortened his breath and tried his best not to drown out the voice if it decided to speak again.  Nothing.  He questioned whether he had heard the voice or not.  "Surely it was just in my head because I'm trying to convince myself of quitting."  Jonah stood to his feet and grabbed his aging Bible that sat next to him like an old friend, comforting him through this process of emotion and decision.  The night was cold but something about the moon brought warmth.  Maybe because it was bright and seemed to light up the campsite like a summer night.  Jonah could see about 25 yards in front of where had sat but the rest of the path to the campsite was clothed in the night.  As he walked to his tent he could see a little better by the light that glowed from the inside of one his minister's friends tents.  "What would Gabe think if I told him what I was thinking?" he asked himself as he stood next to Gabe's tent.  "Would it make any kind of sense to him?"  he thought. Jonah walked on to his tent that awaited to swallow him and keep him warm for the night.  

Jonah crawled into his tent and zipped the door behind himself.  He slowly turned the key to his lantern as it lit the fire inside and seemed to warm his soul as he watched the fire glow and flicker inside the glass.  As he prepared himself for bed, Jonah's mind rand wild with what his Pastor, who was also his boss would say.  He thought about what his friends would say and more than that what his dad would say.  Jonah hated to disappoint people but he knew that his thought process was taking him to that point.  After taking his shoes off and putting a hoodie on, Jonah slid into his sleeping bag that was cold from his absence.

  He laid in his tent and watched the lantern he had lit swing slowly from the wind that pressed outside.  His eyes began to droop and coax him into a sleep he had awaited as he began to think of the scripture he had read before the sun set that night.  Jonah began to recite the beginning to himself, " he who dwells in the shelter of the Most High..."  "Where was that?" he asked himself as the sleep was now too heavy on his mind for him to think of the scripture he had read.  Those few words ran from the front to the back of his mind like an annoying ball that would not stop rolling on the deck of a ship at sea.  Jonah opened his eyes to find the light of his lantern fading.  "I have got to find where that was."  Jonah sat up and began to search his Bible.  As he neared the middle from flicking from Revelation, he saw something from the top of his bible that distracted him. It seemed to move slowly with the small breeze that his page turning had created.  He moved the top of his bible towards what was left of the light as his mind conceived what was holding his attention.  It was a small red feather.  He quickly turned to the page it was on knowing that he had not stuck a red feather in the middle of his bible.  His mind raced thinking that this feather had some sort of connection to the voice he had heard earlier.  As he got to the page the black letters said, " A prayer of Moses, a man of God."  He looked to where the feather was lying and it rested on the words he had read earlier in the evening.  "Psalm 91." Jonah said. He read on a few verses from what he remembered and got to one that sent a small chill up his spine, "he will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge..."