Running from what I know. (Part 2)

The sound the floor made as Chloe stepped off the last step into her living room reminded her that her children were still sleeping.  She slowed her pace as the wooden floor seemed to grow louder with every step as she thought, "this next step won't creak as loud".  She stopped upon entering into the kitchen to listen for the cry of a baby she had just laid to rest after a morning feeding.  No sound.  Only the sound that the coffee pot made as it started it's early morning routine of brewing the eye-opening Italian roast that Jonah and her drank quietly every morning as she read from the Psalms and as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and allowed the words to sink deep along with his Italian roast.  Chloe was reminded of Jonah's absence as she listened for his footsteps that followed her every morning into the kitchen but she heard only the sound silence makes.  This silence was different.  It seemed louder than normal.  She longed to hear the statement he made every morning come from his mouth.  He would wrap his arms around her, kiss her on the cheek and say, "I love you to the moon."  She mouthed it as if to fill some kind of void in the empty and silent kitchen.  

Chloe watched the coffee maker brew the coffee in anticipation of the first drink that often burned her tongue but was too good to pull away and often brought tears to her eyes.  As it finished it's duties, she poured herself a cup in the mug that Jonah usually used, the one that said, "World's best dad".  Jonah would use that cup every morning and after he drank two or three cups, he would go through his routine of washing it out and leaving it in the one place Chloe hated, the window sill that sat above the sink.  There were water stains from the many times he would leave his cup upside down to dry in the morning sunlight.  Chloe made her way out to the porch that wrapped itself around their house like a pair of arms that held the house tight and secure.  The sun poked it's light from the east and painted the many houses on their block.  The morning dew that had fallen seemed to look like a million diamonds catching the sun light and sending it in thousands of directions.  The symphony of light blinded Chloe for a moment as she sat in the porch swing that hung from the ceiling that loomed over her.  "Lord, I really need You right now.  I feel like I'm losing him" she said as a small tear escaped from her eye and ran down her cheek and onto the wooden floor.  She wrapped her hand around the chain that held the swing wishing that it would respond to her pain.  Chloe gathered herself and continued to pray, "This is all he knows, Lord.  Give me an answer, please, I need to hear Your voice".  

The sun was now warm on Chloe's face and seemed to give her some kind of comfort but made the reality of what she was facing cold in the same moment.  "God, make me believe because my heart is not in it right now."  she said before she finished the last few sips of her coffee.  Mr. Williams from two houses down drove by and Chloe tried to make herself invisible by wiping the trails that the tears had made just a few moments earlier.  She kept her head down and her eyes fixed on something small and red that had blown onto the porch.  The sound of Mr. Williams car was now past Chloe as she quickly looked up hoping he hadn't pulled into the driveway wanting to know if she was ok.  She saw his tail lights glow red as he stopped at the stop sign that sat on the corner where the neighborhood kids waited for the school bus.  The sound of his engine revving as he mashed the gas pedal was the last thing Chloe heard before the silence that followed her in the house out onto the porch broke with a voice that said, "In whatever you do, he is yours, you are his and you both are Mine."  Chloe kept her head down and said, "Yes, Lord."  Tears were now falling steadily from her eyes, ran down her chin and with each one that fell it seemed to give her some kind of relief.  Some kind of closure.  The voice was gentle and warmed her to the core.  Deeper than her Italian roast could.  Deeper than the smile of their newborn baby girl.  Deeper than her own husband.  She tried with all she could to remember exactly what the voice said.  She tried her best to compare it to any voices she knew and none of them came close.  

Chloe wiped the tears from her eyes and looked to the edge of the porch where she had fixed her gaze when Mr. Williams drove by.  The thing that had caught her eye in those earlier moments blew towards her.  As it neared her feet she could now see that it was a small red feather.  She picked it up and as she held it the comfort continued, the comfort that she remembered feeling when she heard the voice speak.  Chloe stood and walked into the house that was now stirring with sounds from the upstairs.  She took the feather and stuck it in the last place her and Jonah had read in her old, desperate bible.  She placed it near the middle knowing that when Jonah came home they would once again read from the Psalms...